i broke down this morning. i was in this empty space with four walls, and there she sat, the puppy that doesn't remember you. and as she started to stir from her canine dreams, i couldn't contain the tears from thinking about what would actually happen if you did come around. and you did pick her up from this house like you told me you would the other afternoon. i keep telling myself this isn't going to be hard, seeing you in this town again, but today that notion shattered. i can't keep smiling like this, and keeping my chin up. you being around is killing me.
she doesn't remember you. and i wish there was a way i didn't either.
i'm stuck in a relationship that is all wrong, and is essentially non-existent, and everyone knows it. i wake up occasionally next to a body that doesn't want me beyond being between the sheets and i'm going crazy. i'm going insane thinking about what i could have, what i once did with my heart before this person, and how it's not working. everything seems out of sorts in my life right now, and all i wish i could do is drive to the new house of yours, crawl into your bed, and not wake up until it got better. i think you would let me sleep.
but i'm not going to. i sincerely wish that i was yours and you were mine and whatever was going on in my world could continue and it wouldn't matter because you were beside me.
but that's not going to happen. because i need to move on. and seeing you is making it a hellofalotharder but i did it once. and i can do it again.
please let me be. i don't want to return.
yet.
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